Get a Stronger Wench

Back on May 3 a Zephyrhills, Florida police sergeant, on his way to work in the wee hours, managed to hit, kill and dismember two horses with his marked police cruiser.

It was truly a terrible accident. Even the chief of police responded and in his report noted, "I asked Trooper Parente if he was able to determine Sergeant O’Nolan’s speed at the time of the accident and he told me he had not determined it yet, but had only just started his investigation. I walked around and noted the carcass of the more southerly, second horse, lying on the east side of the northbound lane. Walking further north, I noted the carcass of the more northerly, first horse, lying on the west side of the southbound lane. Though they were badly maimed, I had no difficulty determining I was looking at horse carcasses.

"My observations of the patrol car, still in the weeds with the tail lights on and ignition on revealed heavy damage to the front of the car, particularly the right front, hood, a crushed roof, shattered windshield and damage to the right rear quarter panel. I noted the windshield wipers were still on in the intermittent mode, even though they were not actually operating. The interior of the car in front of the prisoner shield was almost completely and fairly evenly covered with a “dusting” of horse manure and blood, including a hind leg in the passenger seat from the first horse. I noted O’Nolan’s portable radio was lying on the driver’s seat and that the driver’s side airbag had deployed."

I'll leave it to you, dear reader, to envision what a 'dusting' of blood and horse manure looks (and smells) like. But it gets better.

There was the matter of removing the destroyed police car. The Chief wrote, "A flatbed wrecker arrived to recover the patrol car, but was not able to pull the car out of the weeds, into the ditch and back up out of the ditch with the power of the wench on the truck."

I think that it should be a requirement for all tow truck operators doing business with the city to employ much more powerful wenches. I personally have never messed with a wench on a truck, but if I ever do I plan to insist on having the most powerful wench in the business.

All in all it's a very interesting accident report, but it lacks a bit of candor.

For instance, there is a driving offense called "Too Fast For Conditions" which basically says that the posted speed limit is of no consequence when conditions require you to drive slower. The accident recital goes into great detail about the dew and the lack of street lights and the fact he had his wipers on, but never considers that even 40 may have been too fast for the existing conditions. Nonetheless, the accident review board cleared the sergeant.

Aaah, life in a small town.

Arjay