No Bill of Rights Here

As y'all know this blog is about life in the small town of Zephyrhills, Florida where the men are manly, the women are comely and the minds are about as petty as you can get.

Don't believe me? Try this one.

The city is in the midst of revising its Charter; the basic document which governs how the city government operates. One of the charter study committee members (me) thought it would be inspirational, not to mention sensible to write a Bill of Rights for the citizens of Zephyrhills. So I did. After all, who could be against a Bill of Rights? It's up there with Motherhood, God and The Flag. Ha! Welcome to Zephyrhills where talk about basic human rights is about as popular as the swine flu.

One Committee member, a lawyer, saw no need for such a thing. Did I say he is a lawyer? Yeah, a lawyer, a real, practicing lawyer is against a Bill of Rights. Why am I not surprised by this?

Another, the widow of a lawyer, fears such a document will lead to -- perish the thought -- lawsuits against the city. She's especially worried about the freedom of speech clause. Did I say she's the widow of a lawyer who used to be the City Attorney? Why am I not surprised by this?

Then there's the member who takes issue with the clause that states, "All persons are born free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act toward one another with respect." because she thought it was too much of an assumption that (we) "are endowed with reason and conscience and should act toward one another with respect." She said she knows some people who aren't like that.

Go figure.

Then there's the Mayor. He's opposed to a Bill of Rights because, "If you are a citizen of this country your should, 'Damn well know what your rights are.' "

So there you have it. The Zephyrhills Bill of Rights will probably not make it into the city's Charter.

If you think this is wrongheaded why not let the Charter Study Committee know? The address is C/O City of Zephyrhills, 5335 Eighth St., Zephyrhills, FL 33542-4312; FAX (813) 780-0005, or you can make a comment on this blog.

Of course, in the spirit of full disclosure, here's what this incendiary document says. Read it and you, too, will understand why it's just a tad too progressive for Zephyrhills, Florida where the men are manly, the women are comely and the minds are about as petty as you can get.

PROPOSED BY R.J. MORGAN



BILL OF RIGHTS



Section 2-201. Preamble to the Bill of Rights



Section 2-202. Bill of Rights



Section 2-201. Preamble to the Bill of Rights



This Bill of Rights is aspirational in nature. It
incorporates guiding principles from the United States
Constitution as well as the Florida Constitution. It
reflects the beliefs, convictions, and goals of the
citizens of Zephyrhills.



Section 2-202. Bill of Rights



(1) All persons are born free and equal in dignity and
rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience
and should act toward one another with respect.



(2) All government, of right, originates with the
people, is founded on their will alone, and is
instituted to protect the rights of the individual and
to provide for the general welfare of the people.



(3) The people have the right to a government
responsive to their will and the right to take part in
the government of the City, either directly or through
freely chosen representatives.



(4) The people have the right to lawful and peaceful
assembly, to petition the government for redress of
grievance, and to equal access to public services.



(5) The people have the right to life, liberty, and
security of person, the right to live free from fear
or violence, and the right to safe neighborhoods
conducive to the enjoyment of liberty.



(6) No law shall deprive and person of any rights,
privileges, or immunities secured by the Constitution
and the laws of the United States or the State of
Florida, nor shall any law discriminate against any
person because of race, color, religion, or national
origin. No law shall arbitrarily and capriciously or
unreasonably discriminate against a person because of
birth, disability, age, sex, sexual orientation,
gender identification, culture, language, social
origin, or political affiliations.



(7) The people have the right to freedom of opinion
and _expression. No law shall restrain freedom of
speech or freedom of the press.



(8) The people have the right to freedom of thought,
conscience, and religion. No law shall be enacted
respecting an establishment of religion.



(9) The people have the right to a government of the
highest ethical standards, free from corruption,
untainted by graft, and conducted in accordance with
sound fiscal planning and administration.



10) The natural resources of the City and the
healthful, scenic, historic, and aesthetic quality of
the municipal environment shall be protected,
conserved, and replenished insofar as possible
consistent with the health, safety, and welfare of the
people.



11) This Bill of Rights shall not create any
enforceable rights, duties, obligations or causes of
action under this Charter beyond those guaranteed by
the Constitution of the United States or the
Constitution of the State of Florida.

Not your typical Sexual Offender

Mac is fascinated by the courtroom to-ings and fro-ings of one Debra Lafave , a middle-school reading teacher who is up on charges of sexual misconduct with one of her students.

Her attorney, sufficiently appalled by a plea deal that would have sent LeFave to a Florida State Prison for a lengthy stretch stated: "To place an attractive young woman in that kind of hell hole is like putting a piece of raw meat in with the lions. I'm not sure she would survive. "

Now, let's turn that around .

Instead of the defendant being a comley young, blonde, woman let's make the defendant a Male, run-of-the-mill pedophile.....say about 25 years old with long stringy hair, abundant tattoos, bad teeth, you get the picture.

And, just for grins let's have his lawyer parade him in front of the TV cameras with the statement that it would be a terrible thing to put such a nice young man in a hell hole such as The Florida State Prison where he would be a piece of raw meat before the lions.

How long do you think it would be before the cameramen fell down in fits of laughter?

But isn't it interesting that under the law both the male and the female defendant are regarded as exactly the same type of sexual offender? Isn't it somehow refreshing that the law makes no distinction between male and female defendants when it comes to matters of illicit/illegal sex? And, upon conviction both of our defendants will bear the scourge of "Sexual Offender" probably to the end of their days.

Somehow or other if Debra showed up on one of those Sheriff's websites listing sexual evildooers living amongst us I'd probably invite her over for tea. Probably not while my teenage sons were about. But, if our other defendant showed up on the same website I'd probably give him a wide berth.

What's strange in all this is that neither Mac nor my wife thought the Fitzgibbons plea was at all out of the ordinary until I pointed out that that wouldn't have been their reaction had it been our aforementioned slease bag.

As my Uncle Mitchell used to say, "it all depeneds on whose ox is being gored."

Arjay Morgan

The Interviewer Interviewed

Mostly in my journalism career I was the interviewer not the interviewee. That's all changed . As a public person I'm now on the receiving end of interview requests, and as a former worker in the fallow feilds of journalism I seldom turn down a request for a reasonable interview.

This week's call came from Nicola White, the Tampa Tribune's beat reporter for Zephyrhills. She had missed the latest Charter Study Committtee meeting and wanted to know what had happened. I was more than happy to fill her in on my politically-incorrect statements.

In passing I also learned she'd been born in Ireland. Odd, I mused; had we been back in ethnic Northeastern Pennsylvania I'd have young spalpeens lined up at her door. No such luck here in East Pasco County: cowboys, yes, spalpeens, no.

Nicola wanted to know if I were going to run for Council again. "Not today" was the cryptic answer, an answer that leaves all kinds of doors wide open.

She questioned my logic in insisting that the super majority vote required to fire the city manager be changed to a simple majority. But, when I explained that the Manatger as well as the heads of the uniformed departments needed to be more closely tied to the electorate I think a few bells rang. Fact is, I do believe the Police Chief, the Fire Chief and the Manager do need to be more under the collective thumbs of Council than the presently are. That, plus the fact that bureaucrats get fat and lazy if they view their jobs as a sinicure prompted me to advocate some fairly regular hiring and firing in their ranks, just to keep them on their toes.

Take one simple example: The city has passed a heavy truck ordinance that carriea a $500 fine that goes direct to the city coffers. Thus far this weekend I've counted $2500 worth of rolling truck finees thudding past my house. Even reported a few of them, but the police have more pressing priorities.

I'm waiting for the day when the police want a few new cars, a few more men, and they are told there's no money in the city coffers for such stuff. That's when I rise in Council with my tally sheet of un-ticketed trucks and point out there would easily be enough money if the local Truc Ordinancde had been enforced ---even enfored poorly.

Our conversation ranged freely, even to if I'd run for Council again. I let that one pretty much swing in the breeze.

All in all, it was a refreshing half hour chat. Now, we'll see if I'm as impressed when I read her story.

Arjay Morgan

,

Here's a Free Deal

Okay, so you've maybe heard that there's something called a Charter Study Committee working on a new charter for Zephyrhills. You figure it's a bunch of policy wonks out there dealing with complicated political stuff..... not interested.

You couldn't be more wrong. The folks doing the charter revision are just ordinary citizens dealing with issues that affect us all.

Now, here's the deal.

I'm a member of the Committee, and I'm willing to take your concerns directly to the next Committee meeting uncensored and unedited. After all, the Committee reall is representative of all of us and we don't know everything.

So, if you think we should make it easier to, say, fire the City Manager, or for that matter, make it harder to fire him, leave me a comment.

Maybe you think the Police Chief and the Fire Chief should be hired drectly by Council; let me know.

Maybe you think the present scheme of government is wrong for the city. Let me know.

Maybe you think we should ....well, you get the idea.

Just remember that the charter is the basic document that governs how the city operates. It paints things in broad strokes, so if you concern has to do with unfair code enforcement or a cop who'se sleeping on the job this is not your forum.

Ya gotta think like Alexander Hamilton or Tom Jefferson in this Chater business, but be assured that if you leave a comment here at least SOMEBODY in city government will hear it.

Arjay

Get a Stronger Wench

Back on May 3 a Zephyrhills, Florida police sergeant, on his way to work in the wee hours, managed to hit, kill and dismember two horses with his marked police cruiser.

It was truly a terrible accident. Even the chief of police responded and in his report noted, "I asked Trooper Parente if he was able to determine Sergeant O’Nolan’s speed at the time of the accident and he told me he had not determined it yet, but had only just started his investigation. I walked around and noted the carcass of the more southerly, second horse, lying on the east side of the northbound lane. Walking further north, I noted the carcass of the more northerly, first horse, lying on the west side of the southbound lane. Though they were badly maimed, I had no difficulty determining I was looking at horse carcasses.

"My observations of the patrol car, still in the weeds with the tail lights on and ignition on revealed heavy damage to the front of the car, particularly the right front, hood, a crushed roof, shattered windshield and damage to the right rear quarter panel. I noted the windshield wipers were still on in the intermittent mode, even though they were not actually operating. The interior of the car in front of the prisoner shield was almost completely and fairly evenly covered with a “dusting” of horse manure and blood, including a hind leg in the passenger seat from the first horse. I noted O’Nolan’s portable radio was lying on the driver’s seat and that the driver’s side airbag had deployed."

I'll leave it to you, dear reader, to envision what a 'dusting' of blood and horse manure looks (and smells) like. But it gets better.

There was the matter of removing the destroyed police car. The Chief wrote, "A flatbed wrecker arrived to recover the patrol car, but was not able to pull the car out of the weeds, into the ditch and back up out of the ditch with the power of the wench on the truck."

I think that it should be a requirement for all tow truck operators doing business with the city to employ much more powerful wenches. I personally have never messed with a wench on a truck, but if I ever do I plan to insist on having the most powerful wench in the business.

All in all it's a very interesting accident report, but it lacks a bit of candor.

For instance, there is a driving offense called "Too Fast For Conditions" which basically says that the posted speed limit is of no consequence when conditions require you to drive slower. The accident recital goes into great detail about the dew and the lack of street lights and the fact he had his wipers on, but never considers that even 40 may have been too fast for the existing conditions. Nonetheless, the accident review board cleared the sergeant.

Aaah, life in a small town.

Arjay

Of Beagles, Birds and Florida Law

Mac is a Beagle, as in dog, but don't tell him that. Mac thinks he's a human, and we encourage that kind of thinking, mainly because we rely on Mac as a sounding board for our (sometimes) cockamamie ideas.

Mac's latest musing has to do with Florida laws, birds and the Fourth of July. He's really annoyed because the fireworks part of the celebration is still going on and Beagles have long ears, as you may recall. Long ears + loud noises = annoyed Beagle.

So what does this have to do with birds?

Fact is, in Florida the only way you can legally purchase things that go boom in the night is to sign a form that states you are using the pyrotechnics to frighten birds away from your crops. The state seems to be plagued with flocks of predatory birds who do their raiding at night and only around July 4, hence the frenzied anti-bird activity. It's almost as if every Bubba in the state has discovered a family tie to the Grucci Brothers of fireworks fame.

All of this leads to one disturbed Beagle who doesn't help things because he adds to the din with his distinctive Owwwoo, which is a direct result of his sore ears. Or, it could be Mac's way of saying he feels our pain.