You try this

Let’s see if I understand this.

Attorneys write contracts.

Attorneys don’t read the contracts they write.

Or how about this?

What a prospective cop writes on his application only means what the police chief says it means.

Yes, it’s a confusing world here in Zephyrhills, but then it’s a town where Chicken Little is queen and Alice in Wonderland is the other title for the city’s Operations Manual.

Let’s start at the top:

The City Attorney, one Carla Owens, has a contract that says she’ll give monthly status reports to City Council. She hasn’t done that. Neither did her predecessor Tom McAlvanah.

When called on the contract violation by Councilperson Gina King, who has no love lost on Owens, Owens said she didn't realize.

A local newspaper quoted Owens response:

"There's no excuse. It's in there in the contract. I just didn't realize," she said. "If they want me to do that, fine."

Let’s just turn that around:

You have a contract with the city that says you’ll do such-and-such for a certain sum of money. You don’t do such-and-such, but the city still pays you.

Sounds about right.

King would like to fire Owens, but she knows she won’t get any support from the other four councilpersons – they all think Owens is doing just fine.

What do you think?

Oops, unfair question, you’re just the one who pays the bills for the Asylum that the inmates are obviously running.

How about the latest cop?

Naaw, let’s not. You wouldn’t believe it anyway.
Arjay